Ten days from now I will have completely moved into college. To think about leaving my home that I’ve grown accustomed to, my family (mainly my mom), Greenville where I’ve spent my whole life at, and so many other things is something that terrifies and excites me all at the same time. My last few blog posts have been about things in my life that have brought on sadness and heartbreak, but in this one I want to discuss how all of those event have helped prepare for this change in my life that is beginning to happen.
Yesterday my mom stood with my in the kitchen and cried because I move into school a week from Thursday. It hasn’t quite hit me yet that I am moving into college in a very short amount of time. I am about to move 45 minutes away knowing only a few people to become a high school biology teacher. This is the most exciting and most terrifying time in my life hands down. I’ve been thrown so many curve balls this summer. So many that have shaped me into a better person. All of them have definitely been thrown by God because he has so much to show me these next four years. I’ve realized that he has only done these things and taken these people away from me because it is better for me in the long run. I do not understand his thinking still, but I just have to trust the plan.
Change is something that happens to everyone and it helps you remember that you’re still living. A big change in my life is my want to live day in and day out now. I have had so many moments this summer and throughout high school that I did not have that will. They’re scary times that have not shown their ugly faces as I approach moving into college. The thoughts I face are triggered by stress and anxiety, and this time is full of that let me tell you. This is how I know God is behind every square inch of this time. The people he has removed, relationships he has ended, friendships he has created are all is his will and according to his plan. If I have learned only one thing this summer it has been that you have to trust the plan. You cannot force something that God doesn’t want for you. He is guiding all of the change in my life in such a graceful way.
God loves us in a way that we can sometimes resent and hate him for. When he ends a relationship its for a reason. Some times he will even have someone do something that will make you want to end said relationship in an unspoken way. Going into school I have a clean slate. I have no regrets from my summer, granted I worked the whole time, I only have lessons that I have been taught to keep with me. God’s grace is overwhelming and one that we can forget to look at if we do not think about it. I am excited for once in my life for change. This change is the newest chapter of my life. It is one that is about to open so many doors that I will not even be able to comprehend it all. I cannot wait for it either. Newberry College will open hundreds of doors, but I am interning at Clemson University on the Game Day Show that they have for football. That is going to open even more doors. I couldn’t experience any of this change without God’s help so I only have him to thank forever and ever.
If you feel any of the feelings that I described in here or any of my other posts talk to someone because it is worth it to live trust me.
Suicide Hotline: 1-800-273-8255